A wayward path to God and the Franciscans – my formation story

I was born on October 1, 1991, in the capital of Guatemala and, at the age of 31, I professed my first vows in the Order of Friars Minor (Franciscan Friars) with the Province of the Immaculate Conception of New York in the chapel of San Damiano in Assisi, Italy.

My lonely upbringing

I am the second child of Jacinto and Ana María. They have two children, my older sister Vivian Roxana, who is 36 years old. We come from a non-practicing Catholic family.

When I was a child, no older than six years old, my parents separated after my mother discovered my father’s infidelity. My father left the house, leaving us behind. My mother had to find a job, but she didn’t earn much. She had to work two full shifts, plus overtime, just to make ends meet. Since we had nothing to start over with, it was thanks to the love and generosity of my maternal grandparents that we had a roof over our heads. They gave us a starting point and helped us rebuild our lives in a new concept of family.

With my mother working all the time, I had to be a very independent child from a young age. I had to do my homework alone since I didn’t have anyone to help me. My grandparents were already old and sick. It was thanks to my tenacity and my desire to move forward that I was able to obtain scholarships that helped me complete all my studies. My life was not easy. Being a child with limited financial resources, I had to endure many humiliations. Other children made fun of my simple clothes, which was not pleasant. However, these things didn’t stop me from having a fighting spirit and improving myself.

On my journey, I encountered bad people who didn’t foresee a good future for me. When a young person has limited resources, most people expect them to become nothing less than a delinquent. They were mistaken. I can say that despite my limited economic resources and some unpleasant situations in my family, I managed to graduate with honors and obtain a good job that allowed me to help my family and improve our lifestyle. Our story improved, and I started working.

My internal spiritual battle

Because my family did not practice religion, I did not receive a traditional spiritual education. It is thanks to the only Catholic person in my household, my grandmother, that I was able to be baptized at the age of seven. After her guidance, I received my First Communion and then Confirmation.

At the time I received these sacraments, I didn’t have the desire to participate in church. My life was more focused on improving myself professionally and financially. I didn’t have the intention to get close to the church because it was not a habit for me. My parents did not educate me in practicing faith, and going alone without knowing what I was getting into made me fear, resent, and harbor negative feelings towards a God who had abandoned me in my life.

Thanks to His absence, my life had been very difficult. I had endured very sad situations where I felt that no one was there to support me. It was an internal struggle of negative emotions towards a God who, according to what I heard, was a God of love. I questioned how a Father could leave His child alone. How could I want to know a God who had allowed so many bad things that caused suffering in my life?

Many times, friends invited me to go to church. But, my priorities were not aligned with getting closer to the church since there were so many people inside who, instead of motivating me, wanted to see me go down the wrong path. All of this, and the allure of other more attractive pleasures, kept me in a world without God, without the church.

Seeking love through others

I was a young man who, due to lack of attention and affection, grew up with deficiencies – not only economically but also emotionally. I tried to compensate for these by having one girlfriend after another and never being alone with one. That’s how I spent most of my life: playing with girls who often fell in love with me. I didn’t know how to love anyone other than myself, and my own independence made me feel very free.

Finally hearing Jesus’ call

I believe that God, in His infinite love, has beautiful plans for each one of us and many ways to call us. He never tires of seeking our well-being. Jesus called me on many occasions and in different ways, but I always managed to escape. Then one day I fell in love with a very beautiful girl who was actively involved in the church.

If I wanted to talk to this girl, I had to enter the context where she was most present, which was the church youth group. So, I decided to get closer to this group of young people called the Franciscan Youth. I had some idea about the Franciscans, as the church where I received Confirmation was Franciscan, and there was an image of St. Francis of Assisi on the main altar of the parish. It was because of him that I was admitted to this group of young people that the girl I liked was also a part of.

In about six months, the girl left to study. Yet, that did not cause me a crisis, as by that point, little by little, the group and the Franciscan charism, had fascinated me. I was taken by the way they worked and the sense of belonging that I felt in a place where I was never excluded. Above all, I was fascinated by the simplicity with which St. Francis of Assisi worked after his conversion.

This richness that was right in front of my eyes was something that resonated with many parts of my life. The day the girl I fell in love with said goodbye, I wasn’t the same boy who wanted to be in that group just for her. I was now someone else. I wanted to be there for something greater than the love I no longer felt for her. I felt it for this new proposal of a spiritual path, a Franciscan way of life.

An outsider seeking a way in

I faced significant challenges both inside and outside the church. Due to my lack of knowledge about certain practices and devotions, some people excluded me. Those who did know me criticized me because they had a negative perception of me based on my history of parties and interactions with some girls. Everyone feared that I would negatively influence the other members of the group I was participating in.

However, God had already prepared a plan for me.

After a while, I was chosen to be the coordinator of the youth group. I was invited to join the church choir. As I continued, I was also invited to have conversations with the young catechists for Confirmation. They asked me to support the children’s school in the Catholic charismatic renewal. During the times when the adults had their meetings, I dedicated myself to taking care of the children. It was a beautiful experience that helped me grow so much.

I believe that my faith began to mature even more when I was invited to participate in a charismatic renewal retreat for young people. It was there that I had an experience that expanded my expectations and motivated me to improve my Christian practices and give even more of my time. God was helping me recognize my talents as a young person and use them in service within the church.

Part of something greater than myself

The truth is, I wanted to be a part of something that would benefit not only myself but also other people. During my service within the Franciscan youth group, where I encountered Franciscan friars and sisters, a restlessness grew within me day by day to become religious. I had the opportunity to experience and gradually embrace the evangelical way of life and the simplicity of St. Francis in his love for a poor Christ who gave himself to others through simple yet profound things.

Therefore, I made the decision to consider a new life project. Immediately after participating in World Youth Day Panama 2019, I made the decision to become a friar and help people, particularly young individuals who are experiencing similar or worse situations than what I had experienced. They are often lacking trust and support. I believe that because of the way God has revealed Himself in my life, I can, through my personal life experience, help many people in difficult situations.

Adopting the Franciscan way of life

The proposal of a simple, poor life without luxuries was not a scandalous project for me. I already knew what it means to live with the essentials and make good use of resources. For this reason and many others that made me fall in love with the Franciscan charism, I believe that God prepares each of His children. Some mature more quickly due to difficult circumstances.

I have come to understand that God never left me alone. He recognizes our hearts and saw something in me that I had never recognized. He fixed His gaze upon my heart, and I saw the goodness within myself. I believe that great battles are given to great warriors.

Bringing my family on the journey

Currently, my family has a better lifestyle, and we are practicing Catholics. My life choice as a religious person has motivated my family to seek more of God. Initially, my family was a bit confused about what I was doing, but to better understand me, they decided to delve deeper into the church.

I strive to be a good man, one day at a time, giving my best version and living my vocation as a treasure, a gift that God has given me. As I did not have a large family, Jesus took the responsibility to expand it by giving me brothers who share the same goal as me, each with different life journeys. We support each other as we walk together.

I conclude with a quote attributed to St. Francis of Assisi that I really like: “Start by doing what is necessary, then do what is possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”

About Formation

Franciscan priests and brothers follow in the footsteps of the Lord Jesus and St. Francis. They accept the gift of poverty as a way of life. They have nothing of their own but share equally as brothers whatever God provides through your generosity.

To educate and support a seminarian in his studies costs more than $10,000 a year. Show your support for our Franciscan Brothers by making a donation today.

Thank you, and God bless.